Which are you drinking? The water or the wave?

I have read John Fowles' "Magus" many years ago. Despite enjoying it a lot, the only clear memory and idea that stayed with me has been this question.

Is it the wave or the water? Is it the content, or the shape ? The essence or the appearance that we feed on?

It is, far too often, the appearance... And our society has specialized in re-inventing appearances, re-designing the wrapping around the candy, in the hope of making it more appealing to the consumer.

We are riding waves; we are creating waves; we get carried away by waves.

Yet we depend on water and it is also in water that we drown.

The question has stayed with me, perhaps, also because it relates to something that has always bugged me.

When interacting with people, gender-awareness seems to be taking over. We see the woman or man first, before we see the "neutral" individual behind.